friendships are hard

July 12, 2006 by annie.

what do you do when a friend hurts your feelings? i mean, not something huge, but does that matter? do you address it? do you let it go?

personally, i don’t have very many friends and those that i have are very close to me. i am not social and i don’t ‘chit chat’. so if you can’t get down into the ugly s**t in life, you can’t be my friend. i’m very loyal to those few friends that i have and i’m not afraid of their sadness, fear, despair, etc. i am willing to dwell in dark places with them and they are willing to do the same for me (although, we understand co-dependent behavior and know that sometimes professional help is required).

that said, i would address the friend that hurts my feelings. i wouldn’t make a big deal out it. i would just say, “hey, when you said/did this, my feelings were hurt. i thought you should know.” but i realized something recently (today). i wouldn’t stop there. i would go out of my way to make sure my friend was ok with what i was saying. in fact, i would explain that my feelings were hurt because it was my own issue (read it’s not legitimate or i’m too sensitive).

granted, navigating a new friendship is different than a well-established one…and this is a new one. but it makes me sad that i was unable to say, “i hurt” and instead i said, “i hurt, but it doesn’t matter.”

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