the early return

August 9, 2006 by annie.

i am back a week and a half early from my road trip. i came back yesterday. there are several reasons i came home early…but only one i’m willing to write about right now. i realized immediately that i am a mom. it’s not that i just figured that out…but it sometimes becomes extremely apparent to me that i am a mom first. my son is almost fourteen years old. every road trip i have taken has been with him alongside. the first time i hiked the grand canyon, he hiked with me. i cried for two days before i left because i had never left him for so long. but really, i thought, once i was on my way…i would be okay. but i wasn’t. i realized that i didn’t want to hike the grand canyon without him. i wanted him to see the sights. i wanted to have the experiences with him. mostly, i was sad that he was missing it. i am a mom…i made that choice a long time ago…and i don’t often recognize the fact that i enjoy it. soon, he will be off…finding his own adventures and making his own way in the world. but right now, we are experiencing the world in the same space…and i want to watch and know what he sees and how he likes it. i want to witness it.

i hiked the grand canyon while on this trip…only a couple of miles down this time…on the north rim (kaibab trail). the funny thing is…i saw this tree.

i have a thing for trees. i know it’s wierd…but i like to take pictures of trees. not just any tree…but a tree that catches my eye. sometimes they are shaped oddly…sometimes they are in a different place. sometimes…they are just beautiful…or beautifully dead. i don’t always remember what i see in them…but i take a picture. this tree, i saw ten years ago, while hiking the kaibab trail with my son. i took a picture then. hiking the same trail on this trip…i saw the same tree…and took another picture. it makes me smile. trees make me smile. being a mom makes me smile. being home makes me smile.

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