rooting the nomad…

April 14, 2007 by annie.

there has been an internal shift these days. i have for much of my life operated with several inherent beliefs…none of them very noble, or even well thought out. i’m sure i haven’t even practiced these beliefs consistently.

one: everything you own should fit in your car
two: move often
three: never own a home
four: the larger the move, the better
five: the less familiar the move, the better

the truth is that i enjoy change. i like the adventure of new places to explore and new jobs to do (notice i didn’t say new people, how is that fun?). i become easily bored if i stay in the same place too long. often, i can move to the other side of town or move to a different work site and stave off being extremely unsettled for awhile. anyway, for the past several months i have been making the decision to move to another state. i began my research, planned a trip for summer, and completed all of my paperwork in order to set up interviews while i was there. i was feeling great about the decision. everything inside was right.

over our spring break a couple of weeks ago, i had a sit-down with tyler. tyler starts high school next year. of course i think that makes this the perfect time to move. apparently, i am not a 14 year old boy who likes people, has friends, and has barely been to the same school two years in a row. tyler explained why he wanted to stay put. i should also mention he said i could go without him. he was sure you can live off of velveeta shells and cheese, scrambled eggs, and bacon. according to tyler his step-mom could take him on weekends, like now. it’s always good to know your kid has gained such a strong sense of self.

in the interest of making the best decision for tyler, i (we) are staying here. i told him, i could only mentally handle making the decision on a yearly basis. but for now, we are here. so i’m working on making this shift. i’m disappointed.

so today i’m asking myself the questions:
why do i want to be a nomad?
why do i shun the concept of roots?
why is change so appealing?

for the record, i’ve reviewed the obvious psycho-babble answers. i’m not running from anything. i’m not running to anything. am i redoing something, hoping to eventually get it right? blah, blah, blah.

maybe, there isn’t always a deeper meaning. maybe, i believe life should always be moving. maybe that’s how i grow. maybe i don’t know how to grow if i don’t wander and move. than the real question is…how do i grow if i’m standing still?    

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