July 19, 2007 by annie.

i’m supposed to be packing in order to leave on a ferry to alaska in less than 12 hours. instead, i decided to get my hair cut. i’d been mulling the idea over for a few days but was still feeling very unsettled about it. i realized, it all boiled down to one thing. would i look skinny? i know, it’s pathetic. i wanted to get my hair cut short, but not if it meant i would look “round”. today was my last chance before my trip…so i called my sister. i hadn’t talked to her in awhile. she didn’t answer her phone and after leaving the quick, “love you” and “called to see how you were”, i got to business:

(me talking into andrea’s machine): “so, i’m thinking of cutting my hair really short…but i’m not sure if i should…and i really need you to be a decider in this dilemma…so could you call me back and cast your vote…because i have to do it today….like actually now since i’m leaving…but only if i won’t look fat…ok love you. bye.

i should tell you that my sister andrea is the most amazing young woman on the planet. and not only because she called me back…but yes…she did. andrea voted for the hair cut. she also said i should have it dyed. i explained we were under a time constraint.

so instead of packing, i was able to donate 11 inches of my hair to locks of love. now…i really have to pack. 

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July 5, 2007 by annie.

why is it that i’m always late? i mean, actually, i’m one of those people that’s always on time for meetings…but i’m always late for my own scheduled events. i know that’s silly…but it’s true. i’m heading out this morning to crater lake national park.

i’m taking tyler camping for four days. i’ll hike and we’ll goof off. it’ll be great. but…i wanted to leave by 9 am. here it is 8:20…and i haven’t showered or had coffee. of course, the argument could be that i’m sitting here blogging instead of leaving. oh my…see you when i get back.

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June 12, 2007 by annie.

tyler has one week left of middle school and he’s on to high school next year. yesterday, he had to present an 8th grade exit project to a panel consisting of teachers, administration, counselors, and classmates at his school. he’s been working on the project for a month. it started with a thesis statement…he wrote a five page research paper…prepared a seven minute speech and created a powerpoint presentation to aide his speech. oh…and had to answer questions from the panel. i admit this project has been the source of much struggle in our home for several weeks.

tyler chose to write a thesis statement centered on problems facing the environment and society vs. government responsibility to address those problems. he knew his content. in the last week as he was practicing for the speech, we were having numerous conversations about allowing his personality to “shine”. tyler has a great sense of humor. he’s also quite passionate about some things. each day, as he would practice his presentation with me, i would encourage him to “be passionate”. at which point he would roll his eyes and move on.

then came the weekend. we had to go shopping to buy clothes for his presentation. again i encouraged, “how about a tie that shows your sense of humor?” “maybe one with a frog?” he laughed and reminded me that in 8th grade, all you want to do is blend in. i said, ” you used to be willing to take more risks?” he said, “that was in 6th grade.” so he picked out black pants, a grey shirt, and a grey tie. i told him he looks like a funeral director. he picked out black shoes (size 13!). we were done.

all of a sudden, at home, the night before his big speech…he found it. he comes running into my room screaming, “mom. i found my passion! i know what i’m going to say.” at this point, i’d like to say i was very excited…but i know tyler’s sarcastic expression…and it was on. “ok tyler, what are you going to say?” he musters up an angry, wronged look on his face and says, “i deserve justice. it’s wrong that i have to wear these clothes.” i laugh and teasingly implore, “you’re talking about government, society, global warming, alternative energies, hurricanes, flooding, garbage, and money…but you can only drum up indignation because you have to wear a tie?” tyler looks at me, finds something inside himself and says seriously, “yes, it’s wrong.” he found his passion.

i stayed home an extra hour yesterday morning to help him get ready. he grumbled the whole time. i asked him if he was going to tell the panel he didn’t think he should have to dress up. he said yes. i asked, “do you think that will take away from the content of your presentation?” he said he didn’t care. i’m pretty sure i counted 13 “stupid’s” and 9 “freakin stupid’s” before i called time. 

before i left for work i took a couple of pictures. the first one i took, he had this awful, miserable, my-life-is-horrible face. i told him he looked like a convict in their mugging photo. in the next one, above, he held out his hands as if he was holding a sign (police number). i asked what his sign would say. he said, “this is wrong”

so there is my dear convict fighting for justice. he is a crusader. he did a great presentation…didn’t mention the clothes. i called from work when he came home from school to see how things went. he said, “no one else dressed up like i did.” i said, “well, did you change into your jeans and stuff after your presentation?” (i had packed a change of clothes because his speech was 1st period) he said, “no.” i said, “why not, why didn’t you say anything?” he said, “well, a girl said i looked spiffy.” me, “oh…well you did look spiffy.” tyler, “is spiffy good?” me, “yeah, bud, spiffy is good.”  

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April 14, 2007 by annie.

there has been an internal shift these days. i have for much of my life operated with several inherent beliefs…none of them very noble, or even well thought out. i’m sure i haven’t even practiced these beliefs consistently.

one: everything you own should fit in your car
two: move often
three: never own a home
four: the larger the move, the better
five: the less familiar the move, the better

the truth is that i enjoy change. i like the adventure of new places to explore and new jobs to do (notice i didn’t say new people, how is that fun?). i become easily bored if i stay in the same place too long. often, i can move to the other side of town or move to a different work site and stave off being extremely unsettled for awhile. anyway, for the past several months i have been making the decision to move to another state. i began my research, planned a trip for summer, and completed all of my paperwork in order to set up interviews while i was there. i was feeling great about the decision. everything inside was right.

over our spring break a couple of weeks ago, i had a sit-down with tyler. tyler starts high school next year. of course i think that makes this the perfect time to move. apparently, i am not a 14 year old boy who likes people, has friends, and has barely been to the same school two years in a row. tyler explained why he wanted to stay put. i should also mention he said i could go without him. he was sure you can live off of velveeta shells and cheese, scrambled eggs, and bacon. according to tyler his step-mom could take him on weekends, like now. it’s always good to know your kid has gained such a strong sense of self.

in the interest of making the best decision for tyler, i (we) are staying here. i told him, i could only mentally handle making the decision on a yearly basis. but for now, we are here. so i’m working on making this shift. i’m disappointed.

so today i’m asking myself the questions:
why do i want to be a nomad?
why do i shun the concept of roots?
why is change so appealing?

for the record, i’ve reviewed the obvious psycho-babble answers. i’m not running from anything. i’m not running to anything. am i redoing something, hoping to eventually get it right? blah, blah, blah.

maybe, there isn’t always a deeper meaning. maybe, i believe life should always be moving. maybe that’s how i grow. maybe i don’t know how to grow if i don’t wander and move. than the real question is…how do i grow if i’m standing still?    

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November 27, 2006 by annie.

i must preface this post with a disclaimer. i am a native floridian. i grew up without snow. i have survived life with a blissful ignorance of anything related to the white stuff. now, living in the pacific northwest, i still am able to retain my naivete. i mean, it’s not like i live in a winter wonderland. the snow level rarely drops below 1000 feet and when it does, everything shuts down.

all of this to explain…i am secretly terrified of snow and ice. so…imagine my dismay when i decided to travel to mt. hood for thanksgiving day. my sister and her friend flew in from gainesville for thanksgiving week. my sister has never seen snow before. i felt it necessary to broaden her horizons…yes, i’m a fool. timberline lodge sits at about 6200 feet on mt. hood in oregon. i thought it would be a great place for thanksgiving dinner. after all, the shining was filmed there. what more do you need to put you in the holiday spirit? well, thanksgiving day brought a winter snow warning with 4 feet of snow possible. might this be the time to mention…i’ve never even driven in snow. oh…and of course…chains were required. my theory…if you have to add linked metal to your tires (which are designed to roll) and head over slippery stuff while at high altitudes…than you are likely going to perish. so after purchasing my first set of chains, packing the car with candles and blankets, and leaving instructions in case of death…we were off to timberline.

at about 2500 feet, we were required to chain up. snow was just starting to come down…my sister andrea and her friend megan were loving it. it took all three of us to manage the chains. question for you… what good are gloves if you can’t work anything with them on? the chain thing reminded me of the grand canyon theory…it takes twice as long to hike back up the canyon as it does to descend. for me…chains worked the same way (in reverse). it took twice as long to finish the first tire than the second.

we made it to timberline, ate dinner, and managed to never once reference the shining or jack nicholson. we headed to the car to leave and had to dig it out of the snow. we picked up a hitchhiker/snowboarder on the way down the mountain and megan flirted with him like crazy. as megan says, “you know those floridian girls.” all in all, i think the three of us decided it was one of the best thanksgiving’s we’ve had. the snow was crazy, andrea and megan were awesome, and i can chain up…all while never saying “redrum”.

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November 11, 2006 by annie.

on october 15, 2006, i went out on a whim and dyed my hair jet black.

i try to imagine all the things that having black hair means. am i smarter? am i bolder? am i a wee bit wilder? i realize, crushingly soon, that color dye does not permeate into my brain and alter the cell structure. alas, i don’t become winona ryder or angelina jolie.

i think i end up with pseudo-biker chick (if you count my tattoos). and…although biker chick is not what i’m after…i like my hair anyway. something about it feels right. it fits.

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November 9, 2006 by annie.

so i’ve fallen off the blogging bandwagon. damn, it sucks that i have to actually work for a living…otherwise i could just hang out and blog often. i know…most people can work, blog and do millions of other things. i don’t have that skill…or ability. so, since heading back to work after the summer off, blogging hasn’t happened.

i’ve decided today that i spend way too much time in my own head. or that i think too much. it’s not that i’m cerebral…i’m not smart…just constantly thinking. sometimes it makes me tired.

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August 28, 2006 by annie.

damn. the canadian rockies rock! we came home last night…and civilization is such a let down. although tyler is thrilled to be able to play his xbox and watch tv. most importantly however…i got to see my mountain goat! five of them. i saw them while hiking the plain of six glaciers trail in lake louise. they were far away, on an alpine ridge…but it was awesome. i also got to see a black bear (also far away). and…a grizzly bear…which wasn’t far away at all!!!

we saw big horn sheep, elk, a weasel eating a snake, and a bald eagle. that was just the wildlife! there was so much more. i’ll write more.

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August 19, 2006 by annie.

i’m leaving in the morning to explore the canadian rockies. i’m heading to banff national park and jasper national park. and…i’m looking for a mountain goat. i understand that i am weird…and i’m set on finding a mountain goat.

don’t they look like they’ll start talking to you any minute?

i am setting myself up for disappointment though. i’ve been searching for a whale for years and haven’t gotten to see one. i even went on a boat tour during the migration season…and missed out. i’ll keep trying though…and since there are no whales in banff (or jasper)…i’ll be searching for my talking mountain goat.

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August 14, 2006 by annie.

i came back from a long weekend of camping with tyler up in the mountains. somewhere in there, we decided to leave again. i have a meeting at work on friday…then we’ll be off to banff national park, alberta, canada. i had been desperately wanting to go explore the area after seeing some pictures of a eurotrekker’s trip on eurotrek.net…and it turns out it’s only about 13 hours from here. woohoo! tyler says he’s excited as long as there is electricity.

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