July 12, 2006 by annie.

what do you do when a friend hurts your feelings? i mean, not something huge, but does that matter? do you address it? do you let it go?

personally, i don’t have very many friends and those that i have are very close to me. i am not social and i don’t ‘chit chat’. so if you can’t get down into the ugly s**t in life, you can’t be my friend. i’m very loyal to those few friends that i have and i’m not afraid of their sadness, fear, despair, etc. i am willing to dwell in dark places with them and they are willing to do the same for me (although, we understand co-dependent behavior and know that sometimes professional help is required).

that said, i would address the friend that hurts my feelings. i wouldn’t make a big deal out it. i would just say, “hey, when you said/did this, my feelings were hurt. i thought you should know.” but i realized something recently (today). i wouldn’t stop there. i would go out of my way to make sure my friend was ok with what i was saying. in fact, i would explain that my feelings were hurt because it was my own issue (read it’s not legitimate or i’m too sensitive).

granted, navigating a new friendship is different than a well-established one…and this is a new one. but it makes me sad that i was unable to say, “i hurt” and instead i said, “i hurt, but it doesn’t matter.”

Posted in mental | 1 Comment »

July 11, 2006 by annie.

any respectable person would be sleeping right now, possibly dreaming of pink cows floating through a field of orange cars? i don’t often remember dreaming…so it’s probably a bad example. i hesitate to post what is in my head because it feels like i’d be spewing muck forth…without a purpose. so i’ll pose some questions that i may consider at a later date…

1. is it easier to not be accountable to someone with a mental illlness?
2. is it too hard to be friends with someone who has a mental illness?
3. can a person be too sensitive? if so, what does that look like?

i’m using the following definition for mental illness: mental illness refers collectively to all diagnosable mental health problems that become “clinical,” that is where a degree of professional intervention and treatment is required.

feel free to dialogue in the comments. i’d be interested in your opinions.

Posted in mental | No Comments »

July 9, 2006 by annie.

do you ever have the day where you lose yourself and nothing looks familiar and you are so totally broken? you frantically search for wherever you are, hoping you’ll crash into yourself. it doesn’t happen. you try to reach out…but you don’t know how. nothing familiar works. people don’t want to be around lost people. it’s too sad. it’s too tiring. do you know what i mean?

Posted in mental | No Comments »

July 7, 2006 by annie.

so in my head…i’m working on this concept. you know how we sometimes have faulty messages about ourselves? for example, i tend to believe that i am not a woman that a man could ever fall in love with…have sex with, ‘yes’, but not take home.

now…i know that my message is faulty. i know it is not true. after all of these years, i understand how to be affirming to myself. i am good at recognizing the “untruth” and replacing it with the “truth”. i know how to give myself affirmations. i can tell myself, “i am loveable.”

what i’ve been thinking a lot about…is that giving myself affirmations is not enough. how do i nurture the “truth” inside of me? according to wordnet, nurture means to develop, foster, or help. so…instead of just telling myself the truth, i want to develop the truth inside of me.

so far, i’m open for suggestions. i believe that i must provide the opportunity for nurturing. maybe that means to play in my sketch book more, write more often, read more often, travel more often, hike more often. i don’t know. i will tell you what i find out.

Posted in mental | 2 Comments »